Alone... Again
Part 7
“No! NO!” A book flew across the room, hit the wall and plunked to the ground. “NO!” I screamed again through clenched teeth. “How could you do this to me?” Anger and anguish melded into one inside my chest, looking for a way to escape. “How could this happen again?”
My breaths came out heavy, panicked and staccato. I shook my head, slightly at first, then allowed myself the pleasure of losing control.
He left!
He left me!
After all the plans we had made! He left!
I had quit college. I had let go of my dreams! I had given up my passion for sports and for medical school and... and... All for him! And he left!
I crumbled into a heap of tears on the bed we once shared. Never had I plunged so low as I had in that moment. Never had I hurt so deeply. When only hours before I had anticipated Mark’s arrival, anxious to share with him the discovery of new life within my womb.
He’d left.
Our wedding pictures had yet to be developed. My lovely, white, satin gown, so carefully chosen, only three months encased within its keepsake box.
And he had left.
I had stood at the door that night, suffocating with grief. The little girl from the garden had raced into the bedroom after him, once again searching for the words that could make him stay. But again, she came up empty.
I didn’t want to stay there at the window and watch him leave. But the little girl couldn’t pull herself away. She stood there, unable to stop the tears as the glow of red tail lights disappeared into the night.
Mark had taken my heart and my college fund when he left. And not only had he left me, he had left me with a monstrous credit card debt that made my head swim.
Hazy memories mingle with recollections that remain clear and focused. I stumbled through the following days, trying to find my way. I made peace with God and He sustained me through the months of my pregnancy.
I welcomed my baby boy into my arms one autumn morning. He arrived much too early and I cried as I watched his little chest fight for every breath.
My mother was my rock during those days. She stepped in and helped me with the care of this precious child as I mourned the loss of my marriage and all my shattered dreams.
My life was a mess.
For years, I had fought to bring comfort to the little girl crying at the window, but I was done.
I was undone. I was broken. Empty.
I had nothing left to give.
Anger and sorrow joined forces against me, calling out to me, inviting me to fall into their welcoming embrace, and I succumbed.
Where they would take me, I didn’t know.
Note: Through the following weeks, we will walk through "Hannah's" journey as she continues to search for acceptance and meaning in her life and her story will conclude on June 10th at Firm Foundation Ministries - my home church. Hannah will be coming to reveal her true identity as well as testify to the grace of God in her life.
I invite you to come, as I know you will be able to appreciate the life that Hannah now lives. She is an amazing person who inspires me daily! Hannah's story conclusion will be posted here as well.
Please feel free to share this link with others. As I've listened to Hannah tell me her story... as I write these words, I am struck over and over again at the importance of father/daughter relationships. I began this series, praying it would encourage young women - teenage women... that it would help them find their value in Christ alone. But the more I listen, the more I write, the more I realize the lesson in here for fathers as well.
If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe to Walking on Water (top right corner), and plan to join us each Monday as Hannah's story continues to unfold.
I invite you to come, as I know you will be able to appreciate the life that Hannah now lives. She is an amazing person who inspires me daily! Hannah's story conclusion will be posted here as well.
Please feel free to share this link with others. As I've listened to Hannah tell me her story... as I write these words, I am struck over and over again at the importance of father/daughter relationships. I began this series, praying it would encourage young women - teenage women... that it would help them find their value in Christ alone. But the more I listen, the more I write, the more I realize the lesson in here for fathers as well.
If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe to Walking on Water (top right corner), and plan to join us each Monday as Hannah's story continues to unfold.
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