Treading Water

Walking on water.

To rise above the troubles of this world... to walk upon the stuff we're drowning in... to remain solely focused on Jesus... to place my trust in Him alone.

That's what walking on water means to me.

And that's exactly what I haven't been doing!

I haven't.

Instead, I've been treading water.  And I'm tired.  I recognize the fight for what it is - the spiritual warfare that surrounds us.  Still... that knowledge alone brings me little comfort.  I sway between longing for a boat to come save me... or the temptation to give in to the angry waves crashing against my weary soul, falling back and letting them have their way with me.  

Rising above the currents seems impossible.

I've found myself doubting the God Who longs to walk with me.  I find myself hearing the words, "did God really say..."  And suddenly all I see is weeks of sickness (flu, bronchitis, migraines, stiff neck, etc).  Overloaded schedules.  Exhausting days.  Injustice.  Brokenness.  Unanswered questions.  Unanswered prayers (or rather, not answered the way I preferred).

And in my despair I question the One in Whom I've placed all my faith and trust.  Feeling much like Eve in the garden, I desired that knowledge.  I longed to know!  To understand!   I wanted answers to my "why's".

This morning, I stood once again in the presence of the Holy Spirit... questioning.  The only voice I'd been hearing was one that proclaimed me unworthy... unlovable...  too difficult...

Too much.  

Though I knew it to be untrue, my circumstances declared otherwise, and after weeks of fighting, I began to embrace the message.

But God is faithful.

And He is good.

And I have determined in my heart of hearts that while the war rages on, I will fight.  

And fight well.

I've learned from Eve's choice.  Her desire to know led her to a life of hardship and pain.  But she had another option.  There was another tree.

How often we forget the other tree - the Tree of Life!

LIFE!

She was welcome to partake of the fruits of that tree.  To taste the lusciousness of it's bounty.  To rest beneath the shade of it's branches. To drink it in... all in.   No holds barred!  Yet, she turned away.

There is one thing that I do know, and I cling to this knowledge.  God will bring me through.  

I may never find all the answers to my questions.  I may never understand all the "why's", but this I know - He does.  He knows!  

And for me, that is enough.  In the meantime, I simply rest in the security of He Who is my source of Life.